Letters to Baobao
It’s just you and me again this week. Your mom is off to California to attend your tai po’s funeral.
I was too busy living normal life to realize there was some underlying anxiety about watching you on my own. It wasn’t until your mom walked out the door that it hit me I’m solely responsible for you for the next few days. That feeling didn’t last long – it was more of a rush of feelings that washed over me.
But when I picked you up from nursery and we got back home, that’s when it really hit me that your mother was gone. I know she’s only gone a few days, but I couldn’t help but feel so sad and lonely without her there! Perhaps it’s because every time I look at you, I see her…after all, you are half of her I suppose!
I tried to avoid bringing up the fact that mama was on the plane to California in fear of you having a meltdown or something. But you know what? It never happened. You were very matter-of-fact and mature about it. Yet I could tell from your actions that you missed her. You chose to read books about airports and airplanes, you used your toys to recreate journeys you had with your mother, you kept telling me I didn’t do something as well as mama did it.
Well, here’s to having more father-son bonding time this weekend! Maybe I’ll learn how to build those Grimm’s stairs as well as mama does by the end of her trip :D
Your third airplane trip in the past three months – what a little jet setter – except this one I’m not along for the adventure. Just you and your mom.
And boy do I miss you guys! The house is indeed very clean and spacious without your toys littered everywhere (on the play mats only of course otherwise we donate it). But it’s missing the little rumbles of your feet racing around the flat and laughter that usually follows. And of course your mother’s ever-present one-liners about me…
In the days leading up to your departure, I was looking forward to the little things like sleeping in the big bed, playing games whenever, going to the gym, single-life stuff. But I realized I was missing the big stuff – like my life with you guys.
So I got my fix in and figuring out ways just to kill time. Your mom left me with a short list of things I can do around the house, but I get the sense she wants me to use my initiative to come up with other things. Very clever of her because I technically can’t ever “complete the list” and be free.
It sounds like you’re having a great time with your grandparents, and that’s all I can ask for. I want you to have a relationship with them because it’s something I didn’t have a chance to experience due to circumstances. And life, from my experience, is all about the relationships in them. Nurture them!