Baba's Field Notes

forgotten moments from parenthood by jonathan jui

Letters - Months 13-18

The Fear of Routine

Dear Baobao,

You’ve settled into a consistent routine in the past couple of weeks, which makes life a hell of a lot easier for your mother and I since we know what to expect. As such, we can split chores more easily and also get physically and mentally prepared for the next item on your schedule.

You wake up at 7, have breakfast, a breastfeed, play play play, then nap between 11 and 2 depending on the day, then a snack at 3 followed by dinner at 530, then you go nuts for a bath, demand to brush your teeth, then demand your mom breastfeed you one more time for good measure before going to bed, which is when your mom will kindly lay with you until you’re down (sometimes she falls asleep there herself).

But while we’ve gotten into a good groove, it also means we’re probably getting too comfortable with this predictability. We’ve been down this path before where you’re predictable and then all of a sudden, everything changes. Of course, we know it’s not your fault, but I gotta fault someone!

Love,
Baba

Kili’s Vacation

Dear Baobao,

My cousin watched Kili for the week as a trial run for watching her when we go on vacation in a couple of months. It’s hard to tell who missed her more – you, me or your mother only because I think we all missed her a lot!

Even though your big sister usually hides out under the couch or is just sleeping around the house, she gives it so much personality just with her existence. Additionally, there’s so much she adds to our household without us knowing until she was gone for an extended time. For example, she keeps our floors so clean when it’s your mealtime since half your food ends up on the floor. Without her, it was just a minefield of scraps we labored over to clean up. She also makes it a lot less lonely when your mother or I have to go downstairs in the middle of the night to get something.

Kili left the house on the same day your grandparents left so it was hard to distinguish who you were calling for at first, but we worked it out that you were wondering about both. With Kili, you would sit on our bed and give a baby howl with a lot of whines in the direction of our door, which is when Kili will usually strut in. You’ve become a lot more interactive with her in recent months and when I say interactive, I mean you terrorize her. You’ll chase her around with a comb in hand or sometimes just throw yourself on an unsuspecting Kili while she’s sleeping.

[As an aside, we often joke that if Kili were human, she would be a blonde that has a convertible and enjoys walks around nice clean parks with a pumpkin spice latte in hand.]

I must admit it was nice not to have to take her out on walks or bring her up at night to go potty (especially when it was raining!), but small price to pay for our Kili O’Beef!

Love,
Baba

Parents and Grandparents

Dear Baobao,

Your grandparents leave tomorrow after an extended stay – your grandmother for four weeks and your grandfather for two. You took maybe ten minutes to warm up to them initially and from then on you had some new favorites around the house. Your mother and I were no longer the only ones you’d target from across the room and beeline over to hug their legs.

As much as it was an opportunity to involve them in your life, it was also for another period of time for me to be around them because these opportunities are few and far between as we get older. It’s more frequent than in recent years only because your presence is a big catalyst for them to come visit, but still not something any of us can just decide to do on a random Saturday afternoon. My relationship with my own parents hasn’t always been the smoothest and that is still somewhat true these days, but I come around much quicker now and have more sympathy being a parent myself now. Of course, that will never save us from the cultural, generational, and language barriers which exist. That’s three hurdles and I was always a sprinter rather than a hurdler.

In any case, I am very thankful they came and for putting their lives on hold to be here for such a long time. Not only did you get to bond with them, but it allowed your mother and I to recuperate. Getting a few weeks of 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep does wonders for your body. Your mother especially is more or less back in one piece after hanging by threads for months in the lead up to your grandparents visiting. And every night, before bed, your mother and I wonder aloud to each other: “What are we going to do after they leave??”

Love,
Baba