This is the second part of my outline to Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. This part revolves around arguments – why to avoid them and when the arguments inevitably happen, how to act. No doubt much easier said than done. Good luck.
- There is no such thing as winning an argument because “winning” will foster resentment from the other. Is an academic victory more important another’s good will?
- There’s no harm in admitting you may be wrong. There is harm in telling others they are wrong because it is not respectful.
- When one is wrong, they may admit it to themselves. People are more willing to admit their wrongs if handled gently and tactfully.
- Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.
- There’s a reason why someone thinks and acts as they do.
- People like to continue to believe what they are accustomed to accept as true, so resentment can be aroused when doubt is cast upon assumptions or beliefs. Most people reason and argue with the purpose to go on believe what they already do.
- The size of your character can be measured by what makes you angry.
- Be glad for other opinions or viewpoints because it is now being brought to your attention.
- Always let others finish and don’t resist, defend, or debate.
- Let people talk themselves out of something instead of trying to convince them. No one pays attention when they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. People prefer to feel like they are acting on their own accord or ideas, so let them.
- Always disregard your first instinctive impression, as one’s first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to judge and be defensive rather than try to understand.
- Find the situations in which the other person’s opinion is right, and reconcile that with your own opinion.
- Genuinely sympathize with others’ ideas and emotions.
- Apologize for mistakes, as this disarms others and reduces your own defensiveness.
- Build bridges of understanding by dwelling on points that everyone agrees on. Lead with questions where you can anticipate their answers are “yes”.
- Appeal to nobler motives.