As I was going through old pictures on my iPhone, I came across this screenshot.
I don’t expect you to be able to interpret this for a long time, but maybe you’ll appreciate it when you are at the right age. This is a screenshot from an app called Clue. Your mother brought it to my attention when it first came out and I immediately downloaded it as a way to track her period because no man likes PMS.
Then we both turned 30 and ran out of condoms, which was as good a signal as we would get that we were ready for you. It was a memorable moment for me, the kind of moment where you recall more details than normal (and I don’t mean sexually). I remember feeling nervous like it was my first time having sex, but this time it wasn’t related to any “Am I doing this right?” thoughts, but more along the lines of “Oh god, in a year’s time, there could be a crying baby in our arms and all our freedom will be gone.” I’ll admit, I had trouble finishing.
But I did finish, and your mother proceeded to cry afterwards. She confused herself as much as she confused me with the tears. I suppose it just marked the moment in our relationship where we were ready to start a family and to some extent, it also felt like the end of the “just us” era. Your mother jokingly (I think) said she felt duped and that I had “prepped” her that night because I had wrote a sweet blog post about her, showed her cute photos from when I was a baby, drawn her a bath, and got her all relaxed. I swear it was ALL coincidental, which was what I told her.
Of course, I didn’t help my argument when I lay in bed afterwards and started back-filling your mother’s period dates and days we had sex in Clue to see when she would be ovulating. So as you can see, the first time we had sex without protection was on February 26, which happened to be right inside your mother’s ovulation window (and also a day after your grandfather’s birthday).
I must confess, I probably couldn’t have planned it better had that been my intention. But in a world where we look for meaning, it was the universe aligning to say we were right and ready to go down this path!
Note: that night didn’t turn out to be the time when you were conceived. That would be two months later, which happened to be two weeks after we had gotten Kili.