This is my first letter/post to you, and it is mighty weird. The only thing holding this all together is my faith that you’ll one day appreciate all this coupled with the fact that your mom thinks it’s a fun idea.
On December 14, your mother and I exchanged Christmas gifts. We can do this because we’re adults and are okay with not having anything to open on Christmas day…something I don’t think kids in general would approve. Actually, the reason why we did this was because your mom started going on again about how she wanted to buy a set of coffee cups and egg holders for her brunch club when in fact I had those two gifts already bought and stored away for her. The last thing I wanted was for her to end up buying it and me stuck with an obsolete gift, so I suggested the early gift exchange.
Your mother though ordered my gift to your Uncle Freddy’s house, which he ended up bringing over the next day when we had a few friends over for a “deep-fry brunch party”. That is exactly what it sounds like – we just deep fried anything and everything including vegetables, meat, fruit, and dessert. I’m convinced that deep frying any vegetable makes it taste good, so I’m keeping that one in my back pocket if you hate vegetables (god help your mom if that’s true because she loves them). Your mom also came up with deep frying an egg, which was my personal favorite.
So your Uncle Freddy showed up with a shopping bag and announced “Merry Christmas, we’ve got your Christmas gifts for you!” I was very thankful, but a bit underwhelmed since neither of the two items in the bag were gift wrapped. But, as you better learn, you still have to say ‘thank you.’
“Thanks, Freddy! This is awesome,” I said, as I pulled out a “Bump-n-Go Bubble Train” and a Carcassonne board game.
“Oh, you’re welcome.”
Your mom had stopped working the deep fryer at this point and came over to see me react to what was actually her gift to me (Carcassonne) only to hear Uncle Freddy inadvertently take credit with his reflexive polite manners. So she let him have it before he pointed out the other gift – a bubble train with lots of sexual innuendos on the packaging – which is very sweet albeit a bit premature. He went to great lengths at his office Christmas party to win that item, even going so far as to steal it back from a coworker who actually is a dad with a real son. So just remember to thank him for it.
It’s little things like this that makes your mom and I want to have a kid.