It took about five weeks for your mother and I to have our first fight since you were born. I don’t know whether five weeks is a long or short time relative to other couples, but I think that’s pretty good! Though it might not be that impressive if you really think about it – between constantly seeking sleep and making time to keep our living standards respectable, there just isn’t much time left for disagreements.
From an anthropological point of view, juxtaposing a post-newborn fight with a pre-newborn fight is interesting to me. There’s been such a big change in our lives that I would’ve concluded any similarities or differences to be meaningful in some sense. Any common themes could mean we have deeply-rooted issues that transcend big events while differences may be the result of your presence.
So the short of it is we (or I) probably have deeply-rooted issues related to my self-worth, which manifests in emotional explosions if I perceive enough disappointment or frustration from you mother. To your mother’s credit, a lot of her frustrations tend to be reactions to my communicated feelings (or more specifically, I have a knack for inaccurately communicating my feelings, so the wrong message comes out – of course, she sometimes then suspects I’m just changing my position…that’s how different apparently my statements can be!).
As is often the case, many of the details are irrelevant. The underlying issue is the same, but the context has changed because the situation now revolves around you as opposed to Kili before or whatever else we spend a lot of time talking about.
I will say that the argument itself wasn’t epic, but intense. It was just a really cold cold war-type of fight. I think your presence kept us more grounded and conscious of not raising our voices, but it was an awkward stretch of time for me – wavering back and forth between feeling the need to be helpful to your mother and being upset/frustrated with her (your mother of course would argue I was not helpful in the least).
In the end, as usual, it all feels stupendously stupid we wasted as much time as we did on that argument. As Mr. Ben Franklin said, “There are no winners in arguments” or something to that effect.
Still, not all is bad. Here’s a picture from the past week. We read your first picture book together, and then we all stared off.