HELLO, Your Mom’s Name Is…

Dear Fauchon,

Growing up, I only knew my mom by two names: one was “mom” (or some variation) and the other was her actual name. I’m sure it’ll be the same for you, so I’m making sure I document the list of cute pet names I call her. Here it is, arranged alphabetically and with a short history behind it:

1. Actual name
2. Babes – this is the first term of endearment that I remember your mother using with me. The pluralized version of “babe” sounds a little more unique, but captures the same feeling.
3. Baby Bear – I was playing a game with a friend and when he was on his way to come save me from trouble, he yelled out “I’m coming baby bear!” I liked the sound of it, she liked the sound of it, so this one’s stuck the longest with her!
4. Bucatini – yes, that’s a thick spaghetti-like pasta. I thought the the -tini part sounded like her name. Just rolls off the tongue and sounds cute. My corresponding name to this one is Fusilli, which I think might be her favorite pasta.
5. Hon – short for “honey”; this one’s pretty standard. We get the fewest eye rolls from this one when used in public.
6. Penny – if your mom were a dog, this would be her name, or so she claims. I didn’t let her get in bed until she had taken a shower, but because she was so tired, she just curled up at the foot of the bed and imagined herself as a dog named Penny.
7. Pussy Pancakes – her blog is all about breakfast and I’ll stop there.
8. WIFE – must be in all caps. Originated through our email correspondences when I was on a business trip and wanted her absolute attention before my following sentence.