Most people look forward to weekends because it is a time of rest and relaxation. In our household where my stinginess holds us back from hiring a cleaner and public enemies no. 1, 2, and 3 are dust, crumbs, and clutter, your mother and I clean (or talk about how we need to clean). We are not OCD. We are clean people. We have even gotten in fights about cleaning or my lack thereof.
The details of the fight are both unimportant and nondescript. It is the consequences that have any real meaning in the state of our current lives. Like at the end of every war, there is a truce and treaty that’s signed. Your mother and I similarly came to a truce and talked through the basic structure of our verbal treaty. This has come to be known as our cleaning schedule.
Let it be known, from the day of the verbal treaty forward, this household will clean the bathrooms (e.g., SCRUB!) and wipe the windowsills one weekend, and then vacuum and mop the floors the next weekend. And this shall repeat indefinitely. Additionally…
Every morning the trash will be taken out.
Every night the dishwasher will be run.
Every four days, Kili will be washed.
Every four weeks the bed sheets will be washed.
Every six weeks the mattress will be rotated.
Every eighteen weeks the mattress will be flipped.
Laundry will be done as needed.
I don’t really mind chores – it’s the sort of mindless work you crave as an adult because there are so many other things fighting for brain space – but I don’t like chores. No one likes chores and if you do, then you should probably become a cleaner of some sort.
I relish the day you’re old enough to start earning your keep around the house. I can’t speak for your mom, but I often wonder to myself which chores I plan on having you take over ranked by which ones I can trust you with and which ones I hate the most. Try not to think of it as me being a lazy dad, but instead as a dad giving his kid character-building opportunities. Chores are good for discipline – I’m sure that’s why your mom has us (me) on a schedule.
Currently, we have Kili on kitchen floor duty – anything that falls onto it gets vacuumed via her mouth. She’s good at it too except for when she’s sleeping on the job.
P.S. Your mom wants me to add she does a lot of chores I’m unaware of. I believe her. She does a lot for this household.