The new world order with Kili as a maturing puppy involves a pee schedule of a midnight shift and an 8AM shift, which is a far cry from what it was just two months earlier when it was a midnight / 3AM / 7AM rotation. Yet someone still has to stay up until midnight, which was fairly normal for us as recently as last year, but we’re getting older and trying to sleep earlier.
Your mother will retire to bed now by 11, leaving me to putz around on my own for an hour before I take Kili out. At first, it was like newfound freedom mainly because I could play games without interruption or distraction. And in the “wee” hours of the night, when I may get an urge and your mother’s asleep, I’ll masturbate to porn.
Now porn is one of those weird topics that can elicit some very awkward responses from others and requires varied approaches depending on who you’re talking to. I probably shouldn’t talk to you about me watching pornography, but I would definitely talk to you about it in general when you get to your teenage years (maybe?). To me, talking about porn to a bunch of guys is weird, but a little less weird than talking to your mother or other females about it – which has to do with me being 1) sensitive to the whole gender issues involved, and 2) ashamed about it. I would know because I wrote 62,000 words about it.
I told your mom I occasionally masturbate to porn at night on my computer, which is situated next to Kili’s playpen. She was/is horrified about it. This sort of horrified, except substitute Kili for kitten.
I tell her Kili is sleeping and she doesn’t see anything, so it’s okay. But she thinks Kili knows; your mother bet me Kili was awake and just kept her eyes shut. So either I’m right or she’s a smart dog – I could live with either.